it's okay to not be okay

this past week has been crazy. on tuesday, we found out that one of my friends' mom was diagnosed with cancer, and she is already at stage 4. when my best friend called me to tell me the news, all i could do was ask God why. Why cancer? Why this family? Why this woman? The answer: i don't know. Sometimes we don't know why certain things happen in our lives. we don't know why a family member is taken from us, or why we lost a job. but what i do know is that what can be broken, can be healed, and what we see, is not what God sees. I read this blog post today from Bianca Juarez and thought it was appropriate for what's been going on this week.



 

When life is tough and you feel like you can’t go on, it’s okay to not be okay.
When money is tight and you are stressed about the bills, it’s okay to not be okay.
When your heart is broken and you’re devastated and alone, it’s okay to not be okay.
When life doesn’t make sense and you feel lost in a maze, it’s okay to not be okay.
When dreams are shattered by reality, it’s okay to not be okay.
When death takes someone you love, it’s okay to not be okay.

Sometimes as Christians we lose perspective of the One who fights for us. Like, since we’re Christians we shouldn’t lose our marbles, yell alone in our car, or cry because life is too much. We should be perfect and pretty and polished. We should quote scripture and hold onto to promises and never, ever be angry.

However, when I look at scripture I see ordinary people, serving an extraordinary God, still have meltdowns. David was a emotional basket-case; yet he was king. Job cursed his birth; yet lived a long life. Naomi admitted she was bitter and forgotten; yet her promise was met.

These characters had space to not be okay. And it was okay.

Job, Naomi, and David all professed God as the provider of their needs. They trusted him. They loved him. But in their lives we see moments of stress, depression, turmoil. Confusion, aloneness, despair. Fear, doubt, poverty.

In moments of confusion, desperation, or bitterness, don’t hide alone in a closet. Or worse, don’t isolate someone because they’re not okay. We all need space to process our emotions without the feeling of needing to be fake or fine or in control. God’s in control. We run around like fools acting like the world is ending until He stops us, reminds us, and assures us… everything is going to be okay.

sometimes I hate being a girl (girls only)

and I found a few reasons why here....

I hate that sometimes I freak out about something small and turn it into something much bigger than it ever had to be. 

I hate that sometimes I can’t explain the tears running down my face. 

I hate that there are days that I just want to stay in my pajamas and read a book *Edit* Scratch reading a book and substitute watching mind rotting tv instead! ;)

I hate that once a month, for three days I have to pop Advil and Motrin like M&M’s… and I hate that M&M’s don’t just give me the same results as Motrin. *Edit-I don't take Advil. lol

I hate that I build protective walls around myself when I get nervous or scared about a situation; and I hate that I am so far behind on un-building them.

I hate that sometimes I can’t define my emotions.

I hate that when I am unsure of how I’m feeling I start to withdraw completely so I don’t get blindsided.

I hate that sometimes I say things that are true and important to me, but hurt other people’s feelings, and I hate that I feel like I have to apologize for telling the truth. 

I found these all on a random blog...and if I may say, these are all pretty much dead on.

But my own personal reason....

I hate that I always think about past situations, people, chances and feel as though I completely ruined them and I will never get another chance. I hate that I carry this guilt with me everywhere I go as though I have a HUGE S across my chest, Scarlet letter style. Because I absolutely have no reason to feel guilty! Ugh, I just hate that every now and think about how things could have been different.

But probably what I hate most....

is that I feel this way now, but in about 7 days I won't! LOL

Oh Mother Nature, how I loathe thee and how you play with my emotions.

I also HATE the way a girl in my office laughs. She sounds like a drunk hyena. seriously!

i'm.about.to.deck.a.trick.



Merry Christmas

Last night my friends and I all went out to dinner. We laughed, cried (from laughing) and talked out how different our lives are. Having the same friends since 1st grade is the best feeling ever. They know me inside out and are loyal to the bone. 

needless to say, this year, I am reminded how blessed I am to have them in my life.

Merry Christmas to all!

love,

anneliese

Country girl at heart :)

i've always wanted to live on a farm. seriously. i always wanted to have horses, milk cows, have chickens, wear flannel shirts and cowboy boots...you know...all that western type of stuff. and i decided that one day, i will life on a ranch. when that day will be, i'm not sure lol but that's not the point ;)

anyway, i want to throw a HUGE country bbq at this place. why? i'm not sure, but i just do.

one day i'll get married here :)

it's the figueroa mountain farm house in los olivos (near santa barbara)

isn't it gorgeous?

i.am.in.love.with.this.place!

anyway, i just posted a blog to confess my love for all things country,western, and rustic.



Dear Chris Rice,

I am a sucker for love songs. And not like pop bruno mars love songs, no no, please not that. i'm talking about lyrics that actually move a persons soul, and make you cry because you can totally relate. because let's face it, lil wayne saying, "I wanna f&*$ you" is not romantic. AT ALL. but your voice, your lyrics, your beautiful melodies, they are amazing! they make me fall in love with life, family, friends, and look forward to finding that special someone God has in store. oh mr. rice, how I love you and your lyrics.

 

 sincerely,

the hopeless romantic <3

"When Did You Fall In Love With Me" -Chris Rice.

Enjoy :)

"You're all smiles and silly conversation
As if this sunny day came just for you
You twist your hair, you smile, and you turn your eyes away
C'mon, tell me what's right with you
Now it dawns on me probably everybody's talkin'
And there's something here I'm supposed to realize
‘Cause your secret's out, and the universe laughs at its joke on me
I just caught it in your eyes, it's a beautiful surprise

When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
‘Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Make your way over here, sit down by this fool, and let's rewind
C'mon, let's go back and replay all our scenes
You can point out the hints, the clues, the twists and the smiles this time
All the ones that slipped by me
I bet my face is red, and you can hear my heart poundin'
Well I guess it don't matter now that I realize
‘Cause baby I missed it then, but I can surely see you now
Right here before my eyes
You're my beautiful surprise

When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
‘Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Was it at the coffee shop
Or that morning at the bus stop
When you almost slipped, and I caught your hand
Or the time we built the snowman
The day at the beach, sandy and warm
Or the night with the scary thunderstorm
I never saw the signs
Now we've got to make up for lost time
And I can tell now by the way that you're looking at me
I'd better finish this song so my lips will be free

Have you been waiting long, when did you fall in love
I kept you waiting so long, when did you fall
Have you been waiting long
When did you fall in love with me
When did you fall in love? "

One more day!

Yesterday was my co-workers last day working and needless to say, today is c-r-a-z-y! I was able to get away from the mountain of papers that need copy and I can already tell, it's gonna be a rough time being the only intern here. But even in the craziness and stressful times, I'm still beyond thankful to have a job. Struggling to make ends meet as a college student is tough, any student will agree with me. But if I were to have a family to provide for......psssssh game over. I would live in a van  down by the river. for real.

Anyway, life is going to be crazy over the next few months, or until they hire a new person lol but trials produces patience, and we need to let patience have it's perfect work :)

Happy Wednesday!

ps...I found this page on facebook that has cute designs for Bible scriptures. and then I died. eek! love it :) they are beautiful (literally and figuratively) reminders :)

pss..Christmas is around the corner. and I am more excited about the time we have off than spending time with my family. lol is that sad?



Late night thoughts

I've realized just how much I love the sad times in my life. Yes, I just said the SAD times. It's the times in my life when I am down, broken and humbled that I feel close to God. As a stated in my previous blog post, this quarter really kicked my butt, like gnarly kicked my butt. However, it taught me to depend on God's will for my life and in a way, brought me into focus as to who should be the certain of my life always. God has truly been doing a work in my life lately and I am so thankful for being here. For the last year and some change, I've wanted to study Jesus' personality/characteristics. Besides focusing on what the Word says, I've always wanted to research, study, and ask questions about what Jesus was (and is) actually like. And after coming up with a million and one reasons as to why I can't do that now [1. I'm in school 2. I'm busy 3. I'm washing my hair], I've decided to make this my Winter study project and I!am!so!excited! :) I picked up this book at the Calvary Chapel Chino Valley book store and so far, I am looooovin' it. 

 It's by a pastor named Charles Swindoll and what I love most is that it is easy to read and Swindoll breaks it down! It mainly focuses on 4 of Jesus' positions while on earth as a child, Rabbi, a substitute for death and the King. Needless to say, I am definitely looking forward to reading this. 

I also recently shot pictures at CCCV's "Christmas Collage" concert with the Katina brothers. They are a Christian worship band made up of 5 brothers. Not only are they Goldy men, they are cute. Don't hate...I'm just praising sweet baby Jesus for the great views ;) Here's a couple of pics from the concert I took.

It was such an amazing concert, and I definitely needed to hear the message that they gave, that God gave the ultimate gift to humanity through His Son. so so good. They sang a song called, "I'll Wait" that I promise you, was made for me. Like for real, I had to stop taking pictures because tears were flowing. It's such a beautiful song and a sweet reminder of trusting in God and waiting for His will in our lives. I'll post the lyrics below :)

"" My life is filled with
Maybe's stops and go's
It's a windy road
Sometimes I'm spinning
Bout to lose control
But I know you know

It's a journey and I'm getting closer
So that i can see
So I am living in the moment
Trusting cause I know your promise
Is in front of me

It doesn't matter how long i wait
How long it takes I'll wait
I found a peace in being still
If it's your will I'll wait

Love will you ever find your way
To my lonely heart
Could it be, that there's a perfect plan for me
Is it destiny

It's a journey and I'm getting closer
So that i can see
So I am living in the moment
Trusting cause I know your promise
Is in front of me

When the sun is up
Even in the pouring rain
In the silence
When the crowd shouts my name
I'll wait, I'll wait
I'll wait, I'll wait"

mmmm makes my heart feel all fuzzy and warm <3

Good night world.

my name is anneliese

and I am not tech saavy at all.

someone!help!me!please!

everyone's blog looks so cute and fancy.

and here is mine.

blah.

Goal for January 2012: GET MY TECH LIFE IN ORDER.

Signed,

a person who is lost in the social media field.



TGIF!

Life has been legen-wait for it.....DARY since school has ended! I took my finals last Thursday and I feel as though the world has been lifted off my shoulders! : ) This quarter has been my worst quarter so far. I was attacked spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, academically and the clash between work and school was at an all time high! But luckily, life is settled down no. No more theories, no more journals, no more fundraising. ahhhh life is good. During this winter break, I really want to just spend time doing the things that I love. I want to focus on myself and take the time to reflect on this year and what I want to improve on for next year. I know, I'm a deep thinker like that ;)

I think that's all for now. It's short, yes, but trust me, it feels great to say those things! I can't wait for the day I graduate and don't have to worry about anything....SIIIIIKE.

It's all good, I'll rest when I'm dead ;)
Happy Friday!
Love,
A

A life of purpose

I'm entering a new chapter in my life and it feels great. I wish I could get a tattoo that symbolized every new chapter in my life, buuuuuut seeing as I won't get that, let's just stick to writing my feelings on this blog. Here's a video by Rick Warren called "On a Life of Purpose", that has me inspired to be real. to be authentic. to be different. to challenge myself to live a better life.
Enjoy.

http://www.ted.com/talks/rick_warren_on_a_life_of_purpose.html

Dear Stephanie

This is my promise saying I will try my hardest to write on my blog everyday. I want to keep up with it-but let's face it, I don't lol But I will do my best to write something AT LEAST 3 times a week.

And seeing as I have a 5 page paper due on democracy on Thursday. I will end it here. BUT...I will paste something I wrote a few days ago. It's not finished, but I know you will appreciate it.

Signed,
Your best friend till death (dramatic? lol)

Enjoy it in all it's rawness (I didn't edit it all so you are WELCOME!)

Every Thanksgiving, my mother’s family join hands and everybody goes around and says what they’re thankful for. This has been a tradition for as long as I could remember, and responses has varied from winning the state championship in soccer or getting into medical school, to thanking God for a new members of our family and thanking God for past family members who have passed. As the year comes to end, this is the time when I reflect on my past year, and on my life. Thanksgiving is around the corner and for the last week, I’ve been really thinking about this past year. Since January 2011, I’ve experienced an assortment of feelings and emotions. I’ve had the opportunity to be involved like never before, and I’ve met some amazing people along the way. I’ve had moments of loneliness, and moments of companionship with people who mean the world to me. In the beginning of the year, I knew 2011 was going to be a year of learning and growing in the Lord. 2010 was a year of celebration between graduations, parties, engagements, and my brother’s return back home. But 2011, was my time to grow and experience life. Below are a few of 2011’s memories in which I am thankful for. It’s these moments and my other experiences from my young 22 years of life that have made me the person I am today.

·         My best friend’s Stephanie and Ronnie both got engaged in 2010, and were both married in 2011. Stephanie has been a backbone (dramatic, yes, but go with me) and has had a major influence in my life. I’ve known her since the 1^st grade and over our past 17 years together as friends, her sincerity and desire to help others is incredible. I believe that anytime you have contact with someone, the other person should leave with a smile, and in some way, inspired. Maybe not in a small-talk-that-suddenly-made-me-want-to-save-the-world kind of way, but rather uplifted and happy. And unknowingly, Stephanie has this affect. On EVERYONE. She has a way with communicating to people that can make any grouch turn soft. Ronnie has been my big brother/mentor/therapist/body guard/best friend for the last 10 years, and to see him marry the woman of his dreams was not only a heartfelt memory, but I was proud of him. Ronnie will give you the shirt of his back. Period. He will always be the last guy to leave any event because he is packing up the chairs, or cleaning up tables. He even stayed an hour after Stephanie’s wedding to help them clean up! (For the record, Ronnie and Steph have only known each other for maybe a year, if that. High five for best friends who get along instantly!) Watching my best friends become better friends, people, believers, and spouses over the last few months has been so awesome. Both Ryan and Chantel make my best friends better people. And for that, I love them SO MUCH MORE. These 2 couples are beautiful examples of Christ’s love and they make me look forward to marriage when I find my other half.

·         School has never been such a pain in the arse as it has this year. With honor societies, club events, holding an e-board governing position, attempting to fundraiser over a thousand dollars in two quarters, oh ya..and ACTUALLY TRYING TO PASS MY CLASSES; school has dominated my life. But you know what, I love it. I love it because after days of crying and self-sabotaging myself by saying I will fail my classes because of x,y,z…I come out stronger. Because after having 5 panic attacks before a huge presentation that I am 100% sure I will bomb, I get an A. AND a thumbs up from my professor. Because after questioning my own worth and value as a human being, and wondering why I should even apply to research programs, I get it. I am one of the 20 students out of 20,000 on campus who has been chosen. This isn’t a time to brag, Lord knows He has saved me a bajillion of times through my academic career. But this is my time to be thankful for my education. For my ability to BE EDUCATED.  To be thankful for those professor who believe in me and see something different in me. To be thankful for those fellow colleagues who understand the pressure of school but are still rooting for me. In a way, I make myself the underdog, only to prove myself wrong. Confusing, yes, but that’s how I roll. I’ve met some really amazing people over the last few quarters that make me love Cal Poly a whole lot more!

Not mine, but His

The past week has been going really well. Scratch that, it's been going pretty great! In a Bible study last night, I was reminded that everything in my life is never mine, but God's. In this society, we have this Individualism idea that everything that comes our way, is because WE did it, or because WE aren't doing anything about it. In my Social Stratification class, we were discussing the issue of homelessness. We sometimes look at a homeless person and think to ourselves that they are on the street because they are doing nothing to improve their situation. Why don't they go get a job? Why don't they take a shower? Why don't they stop using the money people give them for drugs? You get the idea. We like to blame the person themselves, completely ignorning any medical conditions, social problems, and situations that that person has gone through that lead them to the streets.

Opposite of that, in society we also believe that everything  we own, the job we work at, the promotion we got, or the girl/guy we got is completely because of us. I sometimes get this puffed up attitude that everything good in my life is because I did it but then I remember that all the good things in my life come from above (James 1:17). And looking back at all the HUGE blessings that I have been blessed with, I can say with an honest heart that I definitely did not get all those things simply because of what I have done. The job I have, the school I'm at, the house I live in, and everything under the sun is from above and it is important for us to always remember just as fast as we received those things, it can be taken from us. Here are a few things in which I've completely gave God the reigns to because Lord KNOWS if I was in charge, I would mess things up in 2.5 seconds:

• My job. I was offered another year with the DOL after months of saying there was no budget and they would not be able to afford us.
• My grades. Okay, for real....how do you EXPLAIN getting an A on a test you didn't study for?! That has Jesus and a whoooole lot of prayer written on it.
• My family. I've seen changes that we as humans can't explain, but we can simply know that God knows the plan even when we don't have the slightest clue.
• My finances. My financial responsibilites in my life has significantly increased over the last year. The Lord knew that the job I had at Citrus, as much as I loved it would not be sufficient to provide for my family and I. Because of that, He blessed me with a paid internship with the Government that made double what I made and worked really great with my school schedule.

These are just a few, but the most important things in my life that I have allowed God to completely own. Giving God power over things in our life is never a bad thing. Who better than to completely take hold of all your fears, concerns, joy, happiness, and even sadness than the One who made us? He will satisfy every need and desire you have, so give God the reigns and enjoy the blessings along the way :)

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” – Phil 4:19

Why I need you (ALL) in my life

 Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him" 

       As much as I love working with people, groups, and even studying groups (Sociology major, duh!), I will be the first to admit, I sometimes get this idea that I can do things a LOT better (on my own). I've been let down by people so sometimes, every now and then, and kinda sorta like everyday...I struggle with this. I struggle with the idea of it's-not-me-but-you syndrome and friends, this needs to stop. ASAP! 

      The first thing God said was that man should not be alone. Not just romantically, but emotionally, spiritually, and physically. God knows that we burn out quick when we try to do things on our own, which is why He commands that we help each other in life. We are called to encourage those who are down, weep with those weeping, rejoice with those rejoicing, comfort those in sadness, and continually inspire each other to pursue our calling in life. But when my Donald Duck devil on my right shoulder is telling me "not to listen to others because, in reality...what do they know..I mean look at them?!", I instantly remember that God never ever made me better than someone, nor anyone better than me. But rather, He made US (you+me+everyone else in the world) equal. Not greater, not less than...but equal. 

     So this is where friends come into play. This is where my accountability totally sets in and dome checks me when I put up walls in fear of being let down by others. I need you in my life, not only because I want you all here...but because I am called by the Head Hancho upstairs to have you in my life because He knows that 2 is better than 1, and the words of a friend are better than the words of a "friend"...get me??? 

     I desire to do big things in my life. I want to somehow change the lives of others. I want to someway travel around the world and leave an everlasting impression on people, not because of who I am, but because of who shines His light through me. I want to be apart of something amazing, but most importantly, I don't want to do it alone. I want friends with me, every step of the way. Because it's not good for man to be alone, and especially women because we get all emotional like that. So be my friend on this new step in my life. Inspire me and let me please inspire you. Pray for me as I pray for you. Encourage me and I will always encourage you. 

Your friend who will always listen, take advice, and accept that my idea is NOT (always ;)) the brightest crayon in the box,

Anneliese :)

"As iron sharpens iron, so a wo(man) sharpens the countenance of his friend" Proverbs 27:17

    

Bruno Mars...

Yes, the title of this post is Bruno Mars. His music is way pop-ish and to be honest, I don't really dig too much of the music on today's radio. I've got more of an old school ear...like some Warren G. Now THAT is what I like. But after seeing Bruno Mars music video for "Lazy Song" or whatever it is called...I've realized a few things.
1. What's with the monkeys? Reminds me of a modern version of Wizard of Oz...or Power Rangers. Either way, it's weird.
2. The lyrics are lame and are a complete reflection of today's music. At one point he just says "ya" for about 10 seconds. Was there really no other words you could have used? Singing ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya really describes what you wanted to say and how you feel? Bruno Mars, get yo' self a book and start expanding that vocabulary of yours ;)
3. A song about being lazy. How about a song about busting your butt and working hard? You let me know when you got that one recorded.
4. What's with him dropping his pants and pelvic thrusting like there is not tomorrow?? Can you say awkwwwward when that part came on WHILE I was watching tv with my Mom?! Keep it behind closed doors BM.
5. Lastly...the only good thing about that video is his face. I would have never guessed that's what Bruno Mars looked like. Now that I think about it, I have NO idea what these new singers look like these days. But his face...yes...I will accept that. The OG glasses and that hair..I dig it.

If only he could say something intelligent rather than how he is gonna do nothing all day except dance with some monkeys.

To shop or not to shop....

My name is Anneliese and I am a shopaholic. Well actually, not really. It's not like I am losing my home because of it buuuut I do love to shop till I drop. The cute shoes, colorful scarves, and oh so fabulous make up...oh if you only knew how happy these things made me. But I am learning to not buy everything in sight. Keyword: LEAAARNING. Well in reality, I've actually been doing pretty good. (Coming from the girl who bought the same exact shirt...TWICE not too long ago). I've saved up a quite a bit of money that really makes me feel a whole lot better than any floral dress for only $15 at Old Navy :) I don't know if it's  because I've really been able to see how much hard work pays off, or the feeling of being adultish and stuff because I've saved up money, either way...I love it.

So this is my new game plan world. I seriously do NOT need anything. No more clothes, or purses, or shoes...(makeup is a must though..have you seen my face in the morning?! Oh DANG! ;)) No joke, I have so many clothes...I don't even need hangers...my blouses sorta kinda are so tight in my closet, they hold each other up. Sad right?!? I will no longer (gulp) by useless material items that will only hog up for closet space than it should. I will save (more) money than I have been, and will learn to live on a budget. Like a real, budget...not an optional budget. Rather than spending my money on 3 different kinds of shirt in teal because they're all so different, I vow to spend it on something/someone more important. Whether it's a donation, groceries around the house, or simply treating a friend to a lunch date, I will spend my money wisely. Today, I vow to no longer spend money on material things and always remember Proverbs 16:16 (Better to be wise and sensible than rich)

(Does anyone have any bets on how long this is gonna last?) ;)

In the meantime, these are the excuses I use to justify my shopping. If you hear these words out of my mouth, you have permission to slap me and take my debit card away. Enjoy!

"It's the LAST thing I buy! Promise!"
"You know what, I really did good on that homework assignment so I will treat myself to some shopping"
"Eh, I get paid tomorrow, might as well blow my money tonight"
"Instead of buying fast food, I'll just spend money shopping. In reality, I'm doing myself a favor"
"But that (fill in the blank with item) is so pretty"
"They're on sale!! I can't pass that up!"
"I can totally mix and match that shirt with everything and anything"

Shopaholic fo' lyfe,
<3 Anneliese


 Okay, so these are the heels I bought a few weeks ago at Macy's that were originally over $100 BUT I got them on sale. AND yes I just used one of my excuses ;) Last thing I buy...PROMISE! ;)

School Tomorrow....

Spring quarter starts tomorrow and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I already feel burnt out of school, yet I know it is well worth every blood,sweat, and tear I put into it. So since classes start tomorrow...I decided to write 2 lists down. One with my fears and worries about this upcoming quarter and another one with why this quarter is going to kick butt like no one's business. Here's a sneak peak into what I have written down....
Negative:
stress, anxiety, pressure, keeping up with studying, being lazy, procrastinating, having no desire to be in school, giving up, work, balancing out AKD and school, not reaching my academic goals for the quarter, failing.

Positive:
eagerness to learn about new things, my professors are ALL well known for being amazing, having new friends in my class who we now can keep each other accountable, staying focused and being dedicated in my reading, the value of my education is priceless. PERIOD., being involved in AKD and desiring to make it into something BIG that can make a difference..no matter how much I struggle with it, being obedient not only to God, but to school, knowing that I will never fail at anything I do because I have God, family, friends and so many other people who believe in me so much that will never let me fail.

I promise myself to stay true to what these two lists say. When I'm feeling down, I promise to read the positive list to motivate myself and remember why I am doing this. When I'm feeling good, I promise to read the negative side so I can remember that time in my life where I struggled and smile because I got throught it alive.

Just in case I may need it during the quarter..... ;)

Because today just feels great....

Good morning Internet! The past week I have been so exhausted with work and finals finishing up, I put the blog on the back burner. But because I have some time to spare..I thought I'd throw down a line of random thoughts for the week:

• People who hit their dogs need to get socked.seriously. I called the cops on a guy who was hitting his puppy only to find out later he was fired from his job. Do I feel bad...no...not.at.all! :)
• I'm pretty sure if I can have any singer's voice in this world...it would be Adeles. When I drive to work...I impersonate her. If she only knew that I could be her back up, my life would be perfect ;)
• I have a photo shoot in about 2 weeks...EEK! What to wear, what to wear!?! Way to excited to be photographed by the talented Lucy Manalo..she is the bomb...word!
• School starts up next Monday. I am so excited yet terrified at the same time. My goal is to really bust my butt and get STRAIGHT A's this quarter..no A-...but an actual A. Tryin' to graduate with honors is tuff but it is my goal.
• I miss my friends, if only a certain married couple can invite me over for dinner....just saying. ;)

There you go world. Randomness for the day. Back to work to make that money but it's okay because for some reason...today feels different. Today feels more exciting, joyful, and for some reason, just more beautiful than any other day.

Because it makes me happy......

Spitting game

I suck at it. I don't even know if "suck" is the RIGHT word for it. I'm not that "suave rico" type of girl, I is who I is!! ;) Plus I am mad paranoid about giving out my phone number to random strangers!! I'm one of those people who thinks ,"What if he's a crazy psycho killer?! What if he steals money from my bank account with my phone number?!". People I promise you these are the EXACT thoughts that run through my mind. An older co-worker told me if that's the case I should just live in a bubble and never talk to anyone in life. Way. To. Ruin. Lives Albert.

So after meeting a guy at Starbucks, I decided to switch it up this time. I decided that I wasn't gonna be afraid of people, why should I! I'm a Sociology major, I should LOVE people!? I told my best friend Stephanie about him and the FIRST sentence that comes out of her mouth, "Just don't get raped!". Cue sad music playing. Back to my bubble I go. Just kidding, as much as that may SOUND crazy internet, trust me..that is her random and awkward way of loving me and telling me to be careful and watch out for this guy....I just deal with it.
I now see where I get this mindset...Thanks Steph!;)

New Blog Name

"Write your own life's story" the picture frame read when I opened the bag from one of my best friends. It's a picture of an old school type writer that typed the words "xoxo" and with that little 5 word sentence. I began to get choked up inside. If I am being completely honest, I have always wanted to write. I used to write books when I was younger, and even won awards for them back in Jr. High. Being able to express myself so freely on paper has always been my desire but I was always too afraid to do it. Now that I am older, wiser (somewhat), and actually have something to say, I am going back to my first love.



I don't know what I want to write, definitely something inspirational but I just don't have the slightest clue where to even begin. So I decided to start here! It may be on a blog that no one reads or knows about, but it's there. And it may not be in a book, or magazine, but what I'm feeling, what I believe, and what I desire in life is sitting right here, in hopes that one day, it can change someone's life or even inspire someone to do what they have always been afraid to do.

And an extremely important part of my life, I feel the need to write:
Since August 2009, I have been going through a time in my life I like to call "realization". From Aug. 2009 to about September 2010, I have been really going over the choices I have made in my life, what I believe, and in reality....who I was. I REALIZED that I like everyone else in this world am NOT perfect. I learned to not hide behind my honor societies, clubs, meetings, and organizations when I messed up, but rather own it and make it better. Boom, simple as that. During this time, I realized who I was, and it was beautiful. I became one with myself and realized how much I needed all that bad stuff to happen in order for me to go through this time in my life.

Since the beginning of the New Year, I realized that my "realization" time was over. That time of learning about myself and my decisions was finally over, and now..it is time to take the test! Everything I have learned within that last year is now finally being put to use and I can honestly say, I am beyond thankful for it. So this time in my life...what do I call it? Simple, the "write your own life story" time. Where I will try to write what goes on in my life, what I feel, what I see, and what I desire. Not just for you to read, but for myself. So one day, I can look back on this and reflect on the person I once was, and the person I (hope) to become.

-Anneliese

Crossroads...

That's where I feel I am at in my life. Since the beginning of the year, I have been in deep thought about a lot of things going on in my life...mostly surrounding the infamous question of, "Who am I?". With the busyness of helping one of my closest friends with her wedding, a family friend passing away, and the stress of school and work...I feel as though the last 2 months have been nothing but a blur. My thoughts have been scattered, my room is a MESS, and I seem to be running on fumes in order to get through the day. Beyond all the physical attributes that have stressed me out, I've turned into this emotional person...MORE than usual! There are so many changes going on, that it has caused me to really just step back and reflect on my life.

When in class, so many thoughts run through my head, "I have to turn in that report....remember to email her about Thursdays meeting....don't forget to make flashcards for the midterm". Even though these things may seem so small, they are detrimental not for what they are but for what they represent. Education is something I have come to value so much, that at times I'm afraid that ONE C I got on my test..will ruin my academic career for-ev-errrrr!

I'm not to sure what this blog post is really supposed to mean, or represent. But I do know that right now in my life, I am at a crossroads in my life in where I am, and where I want to be. I'm at the point of change. Officially feeling the change from transferring to a University. No longer 21 years old, but 22...so basically that means I am officially not considered a kid anymore. But most importantly, a change in ME. The way I think, the way I act, the way I view things. It's all changing and I am learning more and more about myself and life as days pass by.

So today, I accept the new change. I accept the new ideas. I accept the new relationships and friendships that life brings. I accept being 22 (ugh). I accept having more financial responsibilities. I accept the new stage of life I MUST enter in order to grow. And along with new changes, I realize I still am me, just refined you can say ;)

One of my closest dearest friends gave me a picture that says, "Write your own life's story"..so that Stephanie is what I am doing. I am writing my life story, and even though my plans will most likely change, I am still doing what I need to do.

As I said before...I am not to sure what this blog post is supposed to mean, or if it even makes sense. But these are my thoughts. This is whats going on with me. Don't judge, just love me ;)

Appreciation and Thankfulness

Webster defines these two words as:

Appreciation: an expression of admiration or gratitude

Thankfulness: acknowledgment of having received something good.

The past few months, since August actually, I have began to appreciate the people in my life and give thanks for the blessings I have been given. I began to have a different outlook, to LOVE like never before and to SHOW it and tell those who I care about that I love them. I don't know how or why this new idea came to me, but it did. So though my friends may call me the "baby" of the group because I cry when I hear beautiful stories, or kiss their foreheads when I say good bye to them, or even text them randomly saying I love you....this is my letter to you. To those who have been there since the get go, and have not left my side. It became known to me who I belongs in my life these last few months, and who is just a passer-by. Thank you, thank you, thank you for loving me and listening to me friends. You all know who you are, and I hope you know you are no longer an accessory in my life, but a necessity.

I appreciate my friends now more than I ever have before. The older I get, the more I see what some friendships are truly about and I am thankful for those that are built on genuine trust, love, and respect..things that I have come to realize is not common in this world.

I appreciate getting to know that one friend more over the past few years than ever before. I'm thankful because you have been there for me in my darkest, saddest, UGLIEST moments and  you STILL continue to be there. You've grown more and more since we've first met and I am amazingly proud of you. You make me a better person.

I appreciate where I am at in my life. I'm beyond thrilled because I can really feel that the steps I am taking, are completely 100% directed by the Lord, and THAT is the greatest feeling anyone can ever possibly feel. Thank you God for those doors you closed even though I felt as though I was trying everything little thing to keep them open. Thank you for being so merciful when I completely felt like giving up. Thank you for making to promise that 2010 would be a phenomenal year, because "phenomenal" does NOT even truly describe how great it was.  Thank you because 2011 is going to be an even better year...and so is 2012, 2013... :) Learn to appreciate those in your life, and be thankful for them.

New Life

       I've always been curious about this idea of "love". What is it? How do you get it? Do you have to look or act a certain way to obtain it? What are the benefits? These are all questions that I have asked myself, asked others, and experienced through my own experiences and others. And in my 21 years of life, there is no other explanation than 1 Corinthians chapter 13..."Love is patient, and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up.."
      The main word that sticks out in this verse is patient. We are in SUCH a hurry to find our soul mate, that we begin to lose ourselves in this journey after them. We forget to focus on ourselves. Patience. THAT is the key, not because it is some sick-torturing device used to ALL single people, but because through patience we are perfected and refined. I find it sad that many people are involved in relationships only because they do not want to be lonely. How foolish we are to think singleness is a curse, rather than a blessing.
      This is my life. This is my choice to be single. This is my time to focus on myself and become the BEST version of Anneliese that I can possibly be. This is my promise to not settle for anything that comes my way "just because". I choose to make every decision not solely based on emotions, but rather in faith. In "everything has it's perfect time", I live my life, knowing that while some doors must be shut in my life, others MUST be opened. Here's to the lessons we learn, becoming a better person, being comfortable with oneself, loving yourself, loving others and enjoying life for what it is, NOT for what we think it is.

                                                                             Cheers!