"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin


Thursday, December 29, 2011

it's okay to not be okay

this past week has been crazy. on tuesday, we found out that one of my friends' mom was diagnosed with cancer, and she is already at stage 4. when my best friend called me to tell me the news, all i could do was ask God why. Why cancer? Why this family? Why this woman? The answer: i don't know. Sometimes we don't know why certain things happen in our lives. we don't know why a family member is taken from us, or why we lost a job. but what i do know is that what can be broken, can be healed, and what we see, is not what God sees. I read this blog post today from Bianca Juarez and thought it was appropriate for what's been going on this week.

 
When life is tough and you feel like you can’t go on, it’s okay to not be okay.
When money is tight and you are stressed about the bills, it’s okay to not be okay.
When your heart is broken and you’re devastated and alone, it’s okay to not be okay.
When life doesn’t make sense and you feel lost in a maze, it’s okay to not be okay.
When dreams are shattered by reality, it’s okay to not be okay.
When death takes someone you love, it’s okay to not be okay.

Sometimes as Christians we lose perspective of the One who fights for us. Like, since we’re Christians we shouldn’t lose our marbles, yell alone in our car, or cry because life is too much. We should be perfect and pretty and polished. We should quote scripture and hold onto to promises and never, ever be angry.
However, when I look at scripture I see ordinary people, serving an extraordinary God, still have meltdowns. David was a emotional basket-case; yet he was king. Job cursed his birth; yet lived a long life. Naomi admitted she was bitter and forgotten; yet her promise was met.

These characters had space to not be okay. And it was okay.

Job, Naomi, and David all professed God as the provider of their needs. They trusted him. They loved him. But in their lives we see moments of stress, depression, turmoil. Confusion, aloneness, despair. Fear, doubt, poverty.
In moments of confusion, desperation, or bitterness, don’t hide alone in a closet. Or worse, don’t isolate someone because they’re not okay. We all need space to process our emotions without the feeling of needing to be fake or fine or in control. God’s in control. We run around like fools acting like the world is ending until He stops us, reminds us, and assures us… everything is going to be okay.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

sometimes I hate being a girl (girls only)

and I found a few reasons why here....

I hate that sometimes I freak out about something small and turn it into something much bigger than it ever had to be. 

I hate that sometimes I can’t explain the tears running down my face. 

I hate that there are days that I just want to stay in my pajamas and read a book *Edit* Scratch reading a book and substitute watching mind rotting tv instead! ;)

I hate that once a month, for three days I have to pop Advil and Motrin like M&M’s… and I hate that M&M’s don’t just give me the same results as Motrin. *Edit-I don't take Advil. lol

I hate that I build protective walls around myself when I get nervous or scared about a situation; and I hate that I am so far behind on un-building them.

I hate that sometimes I can’t define my emotions.

I hate that when I am unsure of how I’m feeling I start to withdraw completely so I don’t get blindsided.

I hate that sometimes I say things that are true and important to me, but hurt other people’s feelings, and I hate that I feel like I have to apologize for telling the truth. 

I found these all on a random blog...and if I may say, these are all pretty much dead on.

But my own personal reason....

I hate that I always think about past situations, people, chances and feel as though I completely ruined them and I will never get another chance. I hate that I carry this guilt with me everywhere I go as though I have a HUGE S across my chest, Scarlet letter style. Because I absolutely have no reason to feel guilty! Ugh, I just hate that every now and think about how things could have been different.

But probably what I hate most....

is that I feel this way now, but in about 7 days I won't! LOL

Oh Mother Nature, how I loathe thee and how you play with my emotions.



I also HATE the way a girl in my office laughs. She sounds like a drunk hyena. seriously!
i'm.about.to.deck.a.trick.





Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas

Last night my friends and I all went out to dinner. We laughed, cried (from laughing) and talked out how different our lives are. Having the same friends since 1st grade is the best feeling ever. They know me inside out and are loyal to the bone. 

needless to say, this year, I am reminded how blessed I am to have them in my life.

Merry Christmas to all!
love,
anneliese

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Country girl at heart :)

i've always wanted to live on a farm. seriously. i always wanted to have horses, milk cows, have chickens, wear flannel shirts and cowboy boots...you know...all that western type of stuff. and i decided that one day, i will life on a ranch. when that day will be, i'm not sure lol but that's not the point ;)

anyway, i want to throw a HUGE country bbq at this place. why? i'm not sure, but i just do.
one day i'll get married here :)

it's the figueroa mountain farm house in los olivos (near santa barbara)
isn't it gorgeous?
i.am.in.love.with.this.place!

anyway, i just posted a blog to confess my love for all things country,western, and rustic.



Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Dear Chris Rice,

I am a sucker for love songs. And not like pop bruno mars love songs, no no, please not that. i'm talking about lyrics that actually move a persons soul, and make you cry because you can totally relate. because let's face it, lil wayne saying, "I wanna f&*$ you" is not romantic. AT ALL. but your voice, your lyrics, your beautiful melodies, they are amazing! they make me fall in love with life, family, friends, and look forward to finding that special someone God has in store. oh mr. rice, how I love you and your lyrics.
 
 sincerely,
the hopeless romantic <3

"When Did You Fall In Love With Me" -Chris Rice.
Enjoy :)

"You're all smiles and silly conversation
As if this sunny day came just for you
You twist your hair, you smile, and you turn your eyes away
C'mon, tell me what's right with you
Now it dawns on me probably everybody's talkin'
And there's something here I'm supposed to realize
‘Cause your secret's out, and the universe laughs at its joke on me
I just caught it in your eyes, it's a beautiful surprise

When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
‘Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Make your way over here, sit down by this fool, and let's rewind
C'mon, let's go back and replay all our scenes
You can point out the hints, the clues, the twists and the smiles this time
All the ones that slipped by me
I bet my face is red, and you can hear my heart poundin'
Well I guess it don't matter now that I realize
‘Cause baby I missed it then, but I can surely see you now
Right here before my eyes
You're my beautiful surprise

When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
‘Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Was it at the coffee shop
Or that morning at the bus stop
When you almost slipped, and I caught your hand
Or the time we built the snowman
The day at the beach, sandy and warm
Or the night with the scary thunderstorm
I never saw the signs
Now we've got to make up for lost time
And I can tell now by the way that you're looking at me
I'd better finish this song so my lips will be free

Have you been waiting long, when did you fall in love
I kept you waiting so long, when did you fall
Have you been waiting long
When did you fall in love with me
When did you fall in love?
"

One more day!

Yesterday was my co-workers last day working and needless to say, today is c-r-a-z-y! I was able to get away from the mountain of papers that need copy and I can already tell, it's gonna be a rough time being the only intern here. But even in the craziness and stressful times, I'm still beyond thankful to have a job. Struggling to make ends meet as a college student is tough, any student will agree with me. But if I were to have a family to provide for......psssssh game over. I would live in a van  down by the river. for real.

Anyway, life is going to be crazy over the next few months, or until they hire a new person lol but trials produces patience, and we need to let patience have it's perfect work :)

Happy Wednesday!

ps...I found this page on facebook that has cute designs for Bible scriptures. and then I died. eek! love it :) they are beautiful (literally and figuratively) reminders :)

pss..Christmas is around the corner. and I am more excited about the time we have off than spending time with my family. lol is that sad?



Saturday, December 17, 2011

Late night thoughts

I've realized just how much I love the sad times in my life. Yes, I just said the SAD times. It's the times in my life when I am down, broken and humbled that I feel close to God. As a stated in my previous blog post, this quarter really kicked my butt, like gnarly kicked my butt. However, it taught me to depend on God's will for my life and in a way, brought me into focus as to who should be the certain of my life always. God has truly been doing a work in my life lately and I am so thankful for being here. For the last year and some change, I've wanted to study Jesus' personality/characteristics. Besides focusing on what the Word says, I've always wanted to research, study, and ask questions about what Jesus was (and is) actually like. And after coming up with a million and one reasons as to why I can't do that now [1. I'm in school 2. I'm busy 3. I'm washing my hair], I've decided to make this my Winter study project and I!am!so!excited! :) I picked up this book at the Calvary Chapel Chino Valley book store and so far, I am looooovin' it. 
 It's by a pastor named Charles Swindoll and what I love most is that it is easy to read and Swindoll breaks it down! It mainly focuses on 4 of Jesus' positions while on earth as a child, Rabbi, a substitute for death and the King. Needless to say, I am definitely looking forward to reading this. 
I also recently shot pictures at CCCV's "Christmas Collage" concert with the Katina brothers. They are a Christian worship band made up of 5 brothers. Not only are they Goldy men, they are cute. Don't hate...I'm just praising sweet baby Jesus for the great views ;) Here's a couple of pics from the concert I took.



It was such an amazing concert, and I definitely needed to hear the message that they gave, that God gave the ultimate gift to humanity through His Son. so so good. They sang a song called, "I'll Wait" that I promise you, was made for me. Like for real, I had to stop taking pictures because tears were flowing. It's such a beautiful song and a sweet reminder of trusting in God and waiting for His will in our lives. I'll post the lyrics below :)

"" My life is filled with
Maybe's stops and go's
It's a windy road
Sometimes I'm spinning
Bout to lose control
But I know you know

It's a journey and I'm getting closer

So that i can see
So I am living in the moment
Trusting cause I know your promise
Is in front of me

It doesn't matter how long i wait

How long it takes I'll wait
I found a peace in being still
If it's your will I'll wait

Love will you ever find your way

To my lonely heart
Could it be, that there's a perfect plan for me
Is it destiny

It's a journey and I'm getting closer

So that i can see
So I am living in the moment
Trusting cause I know your promise
Is in front of me

When the sun is up
Even in the pouring rain
In the silence
When the crowd shouts my name
I'll wait, I'll wait
I'll wait, I'll wait"

mmmm makes my heart feel all fuzzy and warm <3
Good night world.

Friday, December 16, 2011

my name is anneliese

and I am not tech saavy at all.
someone!help!me!please!

everyone's blog looks so cute and fancy.
and here is mine.
blah.
Goal for January 2012: GET MY TECH LIFE IN ORDER.


Signed,
a person who is lost in the social media field.




TGIF!

Life has been legen-wait for it.....DARY since school has ended! I took my finals last Thursday and I feel as though the world has been lifted off my shoulders! : ) This quarter has been my worst quarter so far. I was attacked spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, academically and the clash between work and school was at an all time high! But luckily, life is settled down no. No more theories, no more journals, no more fundraising. ahhhh life is good. During this winter break, I really want to just spend time doing the things that I love. I want to focus on myself and take the time to reflect on this year and what I want to improve on for next year. I know, I'm a deep thinker like that ;)

I think that's all for now. It's short, yes, but trust me, it feels great to say those things! I can't wait for the day I graduate and don't have to worry about anything....SIIIIIKE.

It's all good, I'll rest when I'm dead ;)
Happy Friday!
Love,
A